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Archive for May, 2008

Happy Friday bloggers!!!! I am just putting up a quick blog to talk about the exciting news in NY.  The Governor of NY has told agencies to honor gay marriages performed outside of the state of New York.  If you haven’t heard yet check out the link below!!!

 

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/29/nygay.marriage/index.html#cnnSTCText

 

While still working on getting complete marriage rights for us gays, Governor David Paterson is helping us more and more in our quest of equal treatment!  Every little bit helps us.

 

The importance of the memo Paterson sent to NY state agencies is that couples who are legally married in states that promote gay marriage, civil unions etc. (like CA for example) are considered still a married couple if they move to NY.  There are several significant factors with this.

 

First: States that have allowed for the union of same-sex couples have several avenues to revamp to include same-sex partners.  For example work place benefits may have to include a same-sex partner compared to the traditional inclusion of a married man and woman.

 

Secondly: While a state may honor a civil union or marriage other States may not recognize said union or marriage by law.  So benefits that come with a legally contracted gay marriage in one State may not be honored in other States.  Meaning benefits afforded to a married gay couple in one state may not be transferable to another state if said couple moves.  This isn’t good at all.  This is what makes NY such an important step.  NY is basically saying we honor and respect a same-sex union or marriage in another state while at the moment we do not have same-sex unions or marriages yet.  This in turn provides that all benefits that come with marriage are honored in NY too!

 

Third:  The fact that NY is accepting gay marriage from out of state before having its own gay marriage laws is crazy.  It’s like they are saying we don’t need gay marriage in our own state first to validate a gay marriage from another state.  It is a very different approach to the legal wrangling of gay marriage.  Traditionally, to me, it seems that first the State okays marriage then accepts same-sex marriages from out of State.  I suspect that NY will have gay marriages very very soon!!!!!

 

Finally:  This just gives gay marriage more exposure.  It shows that traditional views of marriage are neither the only type nor the only right view of marriage.  The more we fight and be a visible part of society the more people become use to gay marriage.

 

Whoo hoo for NY!!!!!!!

 

On a few final notes if you are interested in the gay marriage debate I would suggest reading Civil Wars by David Moats.  It is a wonderful book and it provides a variety of views leading up to Vermont’s same-sex marriage decision.

 

Also, I just wanted to say I love the fact that Mitt Romney brought back a law from 1913 to ban non-residents of Massachusetts from getting married…this was an obvious ploy to stop out of state gay couples from getting married in the State.  I find it funny that Romney had to use a law from 91 years ago to stop gay marriage.  I suspect it’s because if he would have tried to create a law like this today it would have never passed because people are becoming accustomed to gay marriage.  I bet it was also presented in a neat little package saying that it wasn’t because gays are getting married in Massachusetts, but it was to stop the influx of out of state couples marrying in the State regardless of them being same-sex or a hetero-couple.  But, that’s just my thoughts I’m only theorizing.

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Dental floss….that’s where I found myself Saturday afternoon this past weekend.  After a particularly eventful dental appointment I wondered the isles at Giant Eagle trying to figure out what kind of dental floss I wanted.  This past week I went to the dentist, one of the perks of having a job with benefits, where I was re-taught how to brush, informed that I had a small cavity, which has subsequently been filled as of Tuesday, and told I needed to start flossing.  I stood in front of the dental floss completely lost.  I was surprised by the choices that we have regarding dental floss.  I found myself wondering if I needed the expensive type or the cheap kind, waxed or un-waxed, what brand name to choose, and if I decided to have a flavored dental floss what flavor would it be.  That’s when it struck me, if we have that many choices for dental floss, the possibilities regarding choices for lovers, boy/girlfriends, and dates are infinitely more.

 

Society has become flooded with endless possibilities and that includes those we choose to date and be intimate with.  How can we as people be expected to decide on just one alternative if we could have it another way?  Why a regular coffee when I could have skim milk in it or soy…why a cute blond when I can have a brunette.  I think what is more interesting is the increase in the divorce rate in the States.  I find if funny that people think this trend in the increase of splitting marriages is a surprise.  While our parents and grandparents, bound by certain cultural and geographic restraints, had those they chose to date and marry more “structured” or “set” (like items on a menu) our generation is saturated with ever changing possibilities and decisions. 

 

As technology pulls our world ever closer we find ourselves faced with more and more decision making.  We meet more new and interesting people and the more new and interesting people we meet the more choices we are faced with.  Our generation is a smorgasbord of choices, if we don’t like one dish we can always sample another, and with those types of choices why is it we are expected to follow in suit like past generations.  Why settle if I could be happier with something new?  The same goes for marriage and relationships.  Why stay stuck in an unhappy marriage if I can divorce and find something new that makes me happy and also why should that divorce be so unsettling?  I think if we stood back and looked at this at this aspect and our generation I think we would have seen this coming.  Also, I don’t think we are ever going to lack in choices either as we progress as a population, and that is, to some extent, scary. It’s scary because that if we keep choosing because we think the next choice will make up happier than the previous choice then who’s to say we will ever be happy with what we have?

 

Is it that said choices perhaps make us unable to commit that perhaps the amount of choices skew our ability to pick and be happy?  Is the happiness that should come from something new really just enables us to continually be unhappy or unfulfilled or displeased?  Maybe past generations lack of choices forced them to look at what they have and taught them to be happy with something that is good despite its lack of newness; just because your coffee doesn’t have skim milk in it doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoy…right?

 

It’s funny what floss can make you ponder, and just for the record I chose waxed wintergreen floss.  Happy choosing!

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What is it about a good crush that does us in?  The something that inevitable attracts us to someone that we are not sure will return the same feelings we have for them.  You watch them from a far and become an observer of there life and who they are, all the while wishing you were with them or included in their life.  When you see them coming time slows down a bit, your heart beats a little quicker, you feel yourself flush a little and hope that they make eye contact with you or better yet say hello.  Crushes are wonderful but can be devastating nonetheless.  On top of that is the numerous types of crushes, platonic crushes (if there so exists such a thing), intellectual crushes on professors, homosexual crushes, I even find myself having mini crushes over the occasional girl (I think they are usually an emotional crush that I develop with them…LOL).  Just the other day I was attending my Alma Mater’s graduation ceremony to see a bunch of good friends graduate.  After the ceremony my roommate and I were outside looking for said friends when it happened.  It was like the proverbial parting of the seas, and by seas I mean people, I saw an old crush.  I’m not talking about any old crush; I’m talking about my ultimate college crush! (sssiiiggghhhh)

 

I was in trouble the first time I met him.  He was the embodiment of all these great qualities that I look for in guys, intelligent, eloquent, kind; he had the nicest smile, and dark brown eyes.  He was socially awkward at times and had a mop of brown hair.  He was short and skinny and always smelled like coffee and patchouli.  He was one of those college intellects whose attractive nature came naturally and unknown to him.   I was lucky enough to meet him one boozy evening when friends of mine wanted him to take us to McDonald’s.  I was hooked after that.  I was lucky after that because it turned out we ran in the same circles in college and had many mutual friends.  I was even lucky enough to be in several classes with him my last year of college and we often found ourselves studying late at night in the library together.  Let’s just say I did very very well those terms in college because I spent an inordinate amount of time studying (and who says all crushes are bad J).  By the end of that school year I decided to send him a note letting him know how I felt, except I sent it anonymously.  I thought that by doing this perhaps the blow that I would feel when my crush moved away to graduate school would be lessened.  It did to some extent.  We still text each other occasionally.  I don’t think he knew that his anonymous letter was from me (the other thing about my crush is that he was always blissfully unaware of my feelings…at least that the way it seemed. 

 

So we parted ways and haven’t seen each other in oh about 7 or 8 months until I saw him yesterday.  I surprised myself when I looked to my right and saw him standing there in all his intellectual, coffee and patchouli glory.  I spotted him instantly (sick isn’t it, I blame all the studying we did together).  Without a second thought I dragged Lauren over and immediately greeted him.  I think I even gave him a hug (I was dazed I can’t quite remember) and we chatted for a bit then it was over.  We discovered our friends and had to leave. 

 

I still felt that pang of emotion that want to be with him.  I wanted him to look at me and know that I wrote him the letter he had received a little over a year ago and be moved by the frankness of my emotion that he would fall instantly for me as well.  But unfortunately that’s the nature of a crush.  They keep you at an arms length from those you desire the most. 

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I just wanted to post a quick blog before the start of the weekend and talk about how excited I am about the California Supreme Court rejection of the ban on Same Sex Marriage.  If you haven’t heard about his yet here is the link below.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/15/same.sex.marriage/index.html?iref=newssearch

 

For a while I have struggled with the idea of marriage, the church, and the United States view on gay marriage.  I reject the church because of its views regarding gay marriage and to tell you the truth I am upset on the stance that America has taken with gay marriage.  The fact that one, gays are not are not allowed to marry, and two, the government is hesitant to take a stance to work though this is upsetting.  We, as Americans, do have the right to marry who we want and it isn’t anyone else’s decision on who my lover is or isn’t and what sex they should be or what we do in the bedroom. 

 

What is great about the rejection of the ban on Gay Marriage is that fact that they call it marriage.  I struggle with the concept of whether or not the government should call all marriages, despite hetero or homosexual partners, civil unions.  I think terminology would fix some of the problems that American’s and the Church struggle with regarding marriage.  But then again, I think why should the word marriage be and exclusive word to heterosexual church goers.  I also feel that we as a gay community shouldn’t just settle for the term “civil unions” especially in terms of promotion by a government.  While civil unions do provide gays with rights it still seems a step below marriage.  Perhaps I have my blinders and just look at this in one light??? But, I can’t help but feel we need to go for all or nothing.  We should go for the term marriage.  Why you may ask, because marriage shouldn’t be an exclusive right.  If people feel that marriage should be an exclusive right then they need to make the term civil union be an exclusive right or term as well.  It seems that we fight over semantics but what we are really fighting for is an equal “playing field”. For those of us that have settled into what seems like a semi-acceptable, quasi-happy second class citizenship, with only partial rights need to remember we cannot be passive in our rights.  Settling is saying that we will accept only mediocrity and that we will make do with what others decide for us. 

 

Sorry for the quick and probably very splotch post.  I hope to revisit this subject at a later time and hopefully be a little clearer in my argument.

 

P.S. Congrats to all the gay couples in California.  Get married and hope that other states follow in suit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

P.S.S. I find it funny that a man, Matt Barber, is issuing statements on behalf of the Concerned Women of America.  I just wonder, shouldn’t concerned women be speaking for themselves? (If you read the article you will find his statement about half way though the article.)

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Just wanted to say a quick hello to all of you in blogger universe, sorry for the delay in blogs but it has been a busy work week.  Expect some fun blogs to becoming up soon.  I hope you enjoy this one.

 

 

“I gagged on my toothbrush this morning and it made me think of you!”

 

This is a text I wrote a friend several days ago and it got me thinking about cell phones, texting, and the people that text you the most.  What I had texted was so random and such and inside joke that me and my friend have that I could only imagine what other people would think if they saw the message.

 

With this in mind, and the idea that people love to voyeur into the lives of their bloggers, I decided to take a look at the messages on my cell phone and see what kind of odd texts I received.  Now as a side note I have around twenty-three hundred messages on my phone and it was tough to 1) go through all the texts period and 2) pick the ones that were the funniest or weirdest to post.  So here is a sampling of the kinds of texts I receive from some of my closest friends.  I’ll provide little explanations underneath of the ones that I can remember.

 

Lauren – Do you like it Daddy? (A line from Mean Girls my roommate and I say to one another)

 

Lauren – You know I’m training to be a cage fighter (I have no idea)

 

Father – I am hot (I don’t know if he is referring to the weather or physically…I hope it’s the weather cause now I’m physically sick LOL)

 

Max (A very good straight friend) – slut (his term of endearment)

 

Lucy (A very good straight friend) – These have always brought me luck (A reference to the old Liz Taylor White Diamonds commercial we always say this to one another)

 

Anne (My sister’s best friend) – Ur a bitchwhore (a term of endearment used by her and my sister…my sister made the word up)

 

Tim (An old roommate of mine) – Yeah I grunt when I get my swell on at the gym…WHAT WHAT! (A reference to the YouTube video My New Haircut)

 

Jane (My sister) – Bitchwhore (That’s I love you in Jane talk)

 

Lauren – Vagina Hater (Yes I’m gay, I suspect we were discussing that or she was reminding me I don’t know)

 

Doug (A friend in Erie) – I just saw a Halliburton truck.  I thought you should know. (I have no idea but I bet it’s because I don’t like the Bush Admin.)

 

Lauren – Anyone engaged? Gay? Broken up? Are you working hard? (Sometimes when I am bored at work I facebook…it’s my source of information regarding all my friends)

 

 

Gwen (Urban family member) – Oh dear Mike was lost in Sears last weekend! (I believe I was lost in Sears and she was informing me her boyfriend to had been lost in Sears…it’s a confusing place)

 

Max – Yeah I’m putting out the vide at Walmart no rush though…tons of hotties here (he is either making fun of me being gay or he is being mean)

 

Max – Dance for me monkey (He is bored and wants entertained)

 

Max – Lauren has really soft hands (He is being weird and he was probably drunk when he texted me that)

 

Lauren – Great jams and jellies? (A reference to the movie National Treasure when Riley is asked about the Preservation Room…this one cracks me up)

 

Max – Hooray for Wikipedia!! Wooooo!!!! (Mocking my love of Wikipedia…what a bitch)

 

Heather (Roommate’s ex/girlfriend) – Just ur penis in me (Wildly inappropriate reference…she doesn’t know I’m gay but I don’t think she wanted to have sex with me)

 

Heather – It’s a book about fruit and they’re angry (This makes no sense to me but I bet it made me laugh)

 

Max – You’re not going to start talking about feelings and shit are you? (He is saying a line from the show Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia…awesome show if I might add)

 

Paul (College friend) – Beer kills anything (mocking me for not going out because me and Lauren had a cold created by the devil himself)

 

Anne – Ur a bigger slore (Yet another term of endearment used by my sister and her friend…slore is a slut-whore my sister made the term up too)

 

Dee (A college friend) – Fuck the emotional shit I just want SEX!!! (We were at a bar discussing our want of sex…hahahahaha…that’s kinda dirty of us….hhmmmm)

 

Max – Oh by the way I’m wearing boxer briefs for the first time today…I don’t know if I’m a fan of them or not yet (this is a long on going conversation we always have about underwear…it’s weird isn’t it)

 

Coworker’s Son (he was using his Mother’s cell phone) – Hey baby! Call me later when you can. Love and I miss you!! (weird weird weird text I got from him intended for his girlfriend, it creeped me out…he sent it to me twice…get your minds outta the gutter I know what you are thinking)

 

Lauren – Put a sock on the door if u don’t want me in! (I though I might get lucky that night and my roommate was making sure she wasn’t going to walk in on any man on man action…LOL)

 

HCG (Hot Coffee Guy) – Mr. Not So Forward; Dinner and a movie sounds enticing but I have zero money to go so I kindly decline.  Although coffee would be nice. 😉 I’ll be here as a customer for a few hours ~ HCG (this was the text I got from a potential date, a few days later he was in a relationship…SOB)

 

Marie (A good friend) – Hows triv honkey? (She’s referring to a trivia team I’m on…you can’t judge me I love trivia…the honkey part I just don’t know about)

 

Marie – I’m gonna kill you (gulp…reference to YouTube’s Old Greg)

 

Maggie (A college friend and spin instructor) – Hahahahaha How will you fight and intruder without your glasses. (She’s referring to the time I though my apartment had been broken into and I didn’t have my glasses on)

 

Marie – My butt hurts now (I think we were texting about spinning class)

 

Marie – Tea bag baby (I think we all know what she’s talking about, hahahahaha)

 

Lucy – James thinks this will b the last election cause the rapture is coming (she’s talking about an ultra-religious co-worker who was home schooled)

 

Lucy – Another drape? I might have to choke a bitch. (Referring to Rami on the last season of Project Runway…I love love love that show!!!!!!!!)

 

Max – You’re selfish… (He’s lying…I’m clearly awesome!)

 

 

I know it’s a long blog…but it was hard to narrow down all my texts to just these few, and I have to admit it was fun looking though all my odd texts.  Let me hear some of your funny or odd texts.

 

 

 

 

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I’ll never forget the conversation I had in college that uncovered a big fear that I never had really knew I had.  One of my closest friends and I had just come out of a class and were walking back to our apartment when we somehow started talking about our fears.  Now my friend had never really struck me as being scared of much until that walk to our apartment when he said, “Sam, in all seriousness I’m afraid of dying alone.”  I assured him that one, he wouldn’t die alone because I was positive a girl would come along and discover what a great guy he was (coincidentally, he has found a special someone and is living with her 🙂 ) and two, he would always have me and our other friends as people who would constantly be in his life. 

 

It wouldn’t be until later that I would realize the impact his confession would have on me later in life.  I realized that I too am afraid of dying alone and his past weekend drove that point home.

 

This past weekend I traveled home with my sister to attend my Great-Uncle’s funeral who had passed away earlier in the week.  This was my Mother’s Uncle and my Grandmother’s last brother.  He was a confirmed bachelor that lived with my Grandmother.  Now I understand that he died with his family around him and my Mother and her four other brothers and sisters were part of his life but that doesn’t compare to have a significant other.  Someone who goes though life with you that shares all the good and bad times of life. 

 

I think about my Great Uncle (whom I refer to as my Uncle) and wonder what kept him single?   Did he have someone that he loved and had his heart broken so badly that he never recovered, was his not so sunny demeanor his down fall, was there something wrong with him that didn’t make him a good companion, or even more unsettling was he just someone that was destine to remain a bachelor????

 

With these questions in mind I take stock of my life and wonder why I do not have a significant someone.  It scares me to think that I might be on the same path that my Uncle was on and all I can think is how awful it must be to go through life as a confirmed bachelor.  Don’t get me wrong being a bachelor has its perks but there are cons that come with the territory too.

 

Wow this is not the happiest of blogs and it was kind of hard for me to post.  This is a very sensitive subject for me; I feel kind of tender and raw blogging about it. I had thought about not posting it at all but decided otherwise.  Sorry for the sad blog, I am working on a happier one to put up a little later.

 

To end on a happier note though…I did find out my Uncle use to make moonshine in an old tool shed behind my Grandmother’s house.

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Here we are again another day another post.  I thought it would be nice to double up on blogs this week with a humors story from this past weekend!!! I know you are all excited and breathless with anticipation. 

 

A little precursor first

 

I currently live with one of my best friends.  Her name is Lauren and we have a blast together.  (In future blogs you will learn more about her and how she is my favorite enabler of all time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  I digress…..

 

This past weekend she and I were invited to her boyfriends senior art show at a little gallery in her hometown.  So we packed for the weekend and stayed at her parents place.  Now she and her boyfriend are the only two out of her family that know I’m gay, though her parents might suspect I have homosexual tendencies.  “I think she might be startin’ to suspect something…who…your wife!” (Can anyone tell me what movie that quotes from…that last sentence reminded me of this quote hahahaha) Anyhoo, we go and have a great time and on Sunday we go over to visit her Grandparents.  I have met her Grandparents before and we seemed to hit it off.  We walk in and I greet them.  At that point in time I think that they may or may not remember who I am because they are a little older and it had been some time since we had met.  But, her Grandfather took my hand and greeted me warmly suggesting, to me, that he remember who I was.  As soon as he lets go of my hand he says, “So…I heard about your coming out party…” 

 

Now let me preface this by saying I am only out to several of my friends in Erie.  I am selective at the moment of coming out to everyone at one time…this includes family members of my roommate.

 

As soon as the words leave his mouth I am shocked, blood is rushing in my ears, my heart is in my throat and I can physically feel myself pale in front of Laurens’s Grandfather.  I didn’t know what to say.  Several thoughts pass quickly, One being I’d never thought my roommate would tell her Grandparents that she was rooming with a gay man, second, if she didn’t tell them how does he know, thirdly, where can I pass out in the kitchen without harming myself or Lauren’s Grandparents.

 

It was like a scene from a movie.

 

Lauren, who had been out of the room when all this went on, notices me staring at her shocked and confused.  I then say, “Whaaa….excuse me…” in a breathy, I might pass out because you just outted me, voice.  It would be at this point Lauren realized her Grandfather’s mistake and corrected him.  Here he thought I was Lauren’s boyfriend and “my coming out party” was really “my” senior art show.  Needless to say, I am not Lauren’s boyfriend nor did I have a senior art show this weekend…as for a coming out party…that is one party I wasn’t invited to!

 

Everything worked out in the end but it was a really funny moment that Lauren’s Grandfather and I shared and he doesn’t even know it.

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