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Archive for September, 2008

I hope this finds you well and enjoying your Friday.  Things are good with me, busy, but good.  There are a couple things I’d like to cover.

 

First a questions:  Since I can see Canada from Erie does that mean I have foreign policy experience?  I’m just wondering.

 

Secondly, perhaps if Bush wasn’t to busy trying to invade Afghanistan and Iraq, or trying to define marriage as being between a man and a woman we wouldn’t be in our current financial mess.  ASSHOLE.  For the record, Bush and his buddies were given a surplus of $128 billion.  Check out the article. 

 

 

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/07/28/2009.deficit/index.html

 

As far as I’m concerned it’s we middle class folk that will be the ones carrying the burden.  Can anyone else see the disconnect that the republicans have with the working class?  What concerns me the most about it is that I’m starting to get use to it.  Isn’t that awful?  Gas prices soar, I have to get use to it.  Food prices skyrocket, I have to get use to it.  The American financial system is a mess; I’ll get use to it.  It’s like I wake up everyday and see some new and senseless problem our government has gotten us into and I’m not surprised any more.

 

One more thing on my political rantyness (I know it’s not a real word).  I love how Palin met with 9 foreign leaders in 30 hours this week.  There’s nothing like a cram session before the debates.  HHHEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO I don’t know about anyone else but when I would cram for a test the end result was never in my favor. 

 

As for the upcoming debates I would just like to say I hope Palin is ready one, because of the lack of foreign policy experience, and two because she is a woman.  For those of you who will cry that sexism will run rampant and that Biden should go easy on her, you can all go to hell.  We are in a fast paced political arena and Palin had better be ready to carry her own.  This self proclaimed barracuda will have to do battle in the media spotlight and frankly it isn’t going to be pretty.  The other thing is would the world have been willing to give Hillary Clinton an easy run at the debates.  Hell no, they would have tried to tear her apart. 

 

Okay I know I could go on and on about this forever (except its making me sick) but we have more important things to cover…like my love life…or lack there of.

 

 

So currently I’m torn.  I have Steve on one hand.  He’s cute and totally out but he has a certain roughness about him.  Some of the things he has said has been harsh or a little mean.  I’ve had several friends tell me that I could do better which is new dynamic in flirting with him.  Also, I came out to him “officially” a couple nights ago and I think it changed the flirting that was occurring between us.  I don’t want to flirt with him but I just can’t help myself.   Have you ever noticed that when people say they can’t help themselves it usually ends badly with said person having to admit that they made a huge error or lapse in their judgment…I don’t like that.  But when I’m around him I just can’t stop.  I get all school girlish and I’m not normally like that. 

 

Then I have Dave the older guy that sexually harassed me this week (jesus that sounds like a messed up line…Dear Diary, I’m crushin’ on the man that sexually harassed me (said in a school girl voice)).  We exchanged several emails and I find that I’m aroused at the fact that he is older and hitting on me.  But he doesn’t strike me as my type.  If we were ever to get together to do man “activities” I really think it would just be for the gratification of it.  I try not to do fall into that stereotype of instant self gratification that we gays sometime find ourselves stamped with, but my hormones sometimes over power my ability to make sound decisions.

 

I’m very torn…and horny…a dangerous combination…ugh.

 

On a brighter note, it is my almater’s homecoming and Lauren and I have a ton of friends that are in town and staying with us.  I’m uber excited about it.  One because I love my college, two I love my friends, but three, I hope it will take my mind off my current crush crisis.  There will be ample booze to sample and food to eat.  We have our football game etc and its always such a great time!

 

I’ll let you know how the weekend goes in my next post.  Wish me luck with the boys and have a fun filled weekend! Don’t stay indoors blogging to much the days are getting colder, enjoy the weather!

 

 

 

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My apologizes bloggers; I’ve not be as attentive to my blog as recently as I should be.  (Insert lame excuse)…I’m currently working on a project that will take place in October and I have been eating, drinking, and sleeping said event for the past two weeks….I think it might be getting to me.  But, don’t worry as of October 8th the project will be done and I will be able to blog a little more!!!!!

 

Here are a few updates I would like to touch on.

 

First, on Friday night as some of you may recall I went out to visit an older gay man from Erie.  I had no intention of thinking it was a date or anything like that.  In my mind it was either going to be a friendly meeting or one that would end in some man action.  It was just a friendly meeting.  So we met and my fears of being murdered by a psychopath were immediately put to rest.  He was very nice and cordial.  So we chatted compared political notes, preferences in men, celebrity crushes (Hugh Jackman…swoon) etc.  It was for all intensive purposes a nice meeting.  I decided early on, while I find older men attractive and enjoy attention from older guys (weird I know) that it would have never worked out between us.  I could tell from out conversation.  When I check my email on Monday he made it adequately clear in an email that we couldn’t date.  He mentioned that if he was 20 years younger we could have possibly dated.  The line made me think that we might have been out on a date, but needless to say I was a little confused by the whole thing.  So that is that…I’ve made a gay friend…yyyiiipppeee.

 

Secondly, you guys will enjoy this one.  Earlier on Friday I was attending several meetings around the Erie area for this big event I’m doing.  I meet with people in my field it is usually one or two people and myself.  The meeting itself lasts usually no more that 20 minutes; until I met Dave.  So I walk into an office and meet with this man.  Initial thoughts were as follows.  He is wearing a black shirt (some stains on it, it was dress down day at his office) jeans and shell top sneakers.  He is really tan (and I’m thinking via a tanning booth but I can’t confirm) His teeth are bleached white; he is about 40 years old, maybe a little younger or older.  I come to the conclusion he is either gay or an aging hipster.  I turn around and see a purple sarong tacked to his office wall and decide that more than likely he is gay.  We greet one another and I get this vague thought that he seems familiar but I couldn’t really place my finger on it so I dismiss it.  We begin talking and the next thing I know he rounds his desk and is standing immediately to my left (while I am still sitting in my chair).  He has totally invaded my personal space and I’m kinda trying to figure out what is going on.  It would be at that point he TOTALLY RUBBED HIS CROTCH ON MY LEFT ELBOW.  Yes you read right full on crotch rub to the elbow.  I’m stunned and the rubbing continues its kinda light then he would bump his crotch on by elbow a little.  I’m having serious ethical and moral issues at this moment.  One, is he doing it purposefully, two, I should be upset because I was totally being sexually harassed three, I shouldn’t be but I was totally enjoying it.  I know what you are thinking TACKLESS.  Sammy is being totally tackless, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I enjoyed that fact that a semi-good looking older man found me attractive.  It’s a nice boost of self confidence but is a boost in self confidence grounds for sexual harassment?

 

For anyone who is straight and reads this, notice how I completely responded to sexual harassment in the opposite way normal people do. 

 

So I move my arm to my side and he sits down beside me.  We do the meeting thing and I’m still confused as to what had happened when all of a sudden he invites me to sit behind his computer to show him information regarding my place of employment.

 

Moral dilemma 2:  Should Sammy One, say that he is uncomfortable about using his computer and end the meeting and leave, or two,  use this moment to talk up his place of employment and get him interested in it (which incidentally might help my place of employment if I get him excited about it).  I choose two…I’m a whore what can I say.  If he thinks he can rub his crotch on me, I’m totally going to use it to my advantage.  He crossed the work ethics line first, I am just responding naturally…with the hopes to make some gain out of it…don’t judge I’m just playing the game and I’ll be damned if I sit by and have my elbow rubbed by a man and me not get any gain out of it.  I sit down at his desk and right on queue….the crotch is bumping and rubbing against my elbow.  He would reach over me for the mouse and graze me and I am just dumbfounded by this blatant harassment and the fact that he is aroused by me.  So after a bit of this I finish and prepare to leave, this is when my being sexually harassed pays off.  I score several phone numbers and emails of people I can branch out to for my job.  Was it worth it…I really don’t know.  Now comes the awkward part.  We get to a point in our conversation where we are having awkward silences.  (Much like when some wants to ask you out on a date or for you phone number and they are scared to do it) There was stuttering and murmuring and I shake his hand and go to leave….about halfway down the hall he starts to follow me…he stops me we talk a few more minutes…awkward pauses and starts in our conversation…and he mentions that we will be at a few meetings together in the upcoming months…I say goodbye and leave.

 

I am totally confused at this point in my day, he has rubbed his crotch all over my elbow, with out so much as a drink offer, I’m not sure I can even call it sexual harassment because I’m flattered at the attention, and then to think we are going to see each other later…it is all just to much for me.

 

So I go to work, I meet my older man friend out, then I head out to the bars to visit a friend that is in town.  My sister shows up; her and her roommates get drunk I take them home and I start driving home.  It is about 12:30/1:00 in the morning and I am thinking about my being sexually harassed when it comes to me.  I’m guessing this is what it was like when Newton discovered gravity…everything clicking into place questions that you’ve had are answered easily by your new found awareness.  Not that I discovered anything as significant as gravity but at that moment I realized I knew Dave.  Dave had been at a gay bar that I had frequented hitting on the bartender from several posts ago (it was the karaoke bar).  I almost drove my car off of the road at my epiphany.  Dave and his couple of friends sat in front of me and Lucy and Lauren when we went to the bar and I am able to identify him by his glasses.  What I like to pay attention to the finer details of people.  No I am pretty sure Dave knew who I was before hand prompting the uninvited gay sexual harassment.  It just blew my mind…and now I have to see him again at several of these meetings we will be attending.

 

I would like to go on but this blog has gone on exceptionally long.  More about this later!

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Hello everyone…I’m sorry for the delayed posting but work has been kicking my ass as of lately.  I have a huge event that takes place in October and I am running around like a crazy person trying to make sure all my eggs are in a row (or however you say that saying).  As a quick update last weekend end was a boozy mess.  I think I insulted one of my sisters old flames and I can’t quite remember what I said which probably isn’t good but whatevs.  Steve and I have been exchanging frequent text messages but I can’t read him.  Occasionally he flirts then he doesn’t.  I flirt but I don’t want to because I’m not sure where the whole thing is going…it really is just another big old gay mess.  He did invite me to the gay bars this weekend, but I’m not sure if I want to go.  My fruit fly (Lauren) is out of town and that means I would have to go on this gay adventure alone…which for all intensive purposes makes me nervous…ugh.  I might just play coy and not go.  I do believe that Steve thinks he has the upper hand in our flirting and I refuse to wait around like a little puppy dog wanting him to like me (which I find myself doing against my wishes)…we are playing games and one, I don’t like games, and two, I’m bad at games..unless it’s Clue or Monopoly then I kick your ass!  So that’s that at the moment.

On another note I met a guy on line about a year ago though a dating agency….yes yes I just admited it I did the online dating thing.  A legit one, that cost me money, and not one for hookups although it did lead to a “hookup”  if you could call it that.  But, that is an entirely different story for an entirely different post…I digress.  While I was on said dating agency, an older man messaged me and we started chatting.   Well he wanted to meet me about a year ago and I wasn’t up to it.  You see he is older then me….like 20 years older than me (I’m not embelishing).  He had assured me that he didn’t want to hookup with me, he just wanted to meet new people in the area (I don’t know about you but the more I type this the more I think it sounds like a horror movie come to life)  But he didn’t pressure me and we have email each other occasionally thoughout the year.  We only talked once about meeting and it never came up again.  Well, just recently I felt like I might want to meet him.  So we are suppose to meet on Friday and I’m kinda of nervous…I keep having these flashing images of ax murders etc with this meeting, but I do have to say that if he was a killer he is a patient bugger (that was a joke).  In his last email he gave me his phone number and suggested a bunch of very public places to meet, Starbucks, the mall etc.  I don’t know many killers that suggest things like that but again I don’t know many killers…perhaps it’s his status quo….panic attack!  Lucy knows that I am going to meet him and I am going to text his phone number to her and his name as a percaution I mean you can never be to careful.  I am nervous and excited…I’m kind of flattered that an older man wants to meet me too (I sound like a mess go figure).

Well that’s about if for now.  I’m looking for advice regarding meeting an older man out.  If you have advice or a story let me know!

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This song is for me and the man I am destine to be with.  I don’t know who he is or where he is but it’s for him.  The songs about making love, being nervous, it’s simple and to the point.  It is just a great song that I think we can all identify with 😉

 

 

Well our hearts beat like thunder
I don’t know why they don’t explode
You got your hands in my back pockets
And sam cooke’s singin’ on the radio
You say that I’m the boy
Who can make it all come true
Well, I’m tellin’ ya that I don’t know
If I know what to doYou say that’s all right, hold tight
Well, I don’t even know
If I’m doin’ this right
Well, all right, hold tight
We can stay out all day
We can run around all night
Well, all night, all night
Well, it’s time to go home
And I ain’t even done with the night

Well I don’t know
No good come-ons
And I don’t know no cool lines
I feel the heat of your frustration
I know it’s burnin’ you up deep down inside
You say that I’m the boy
Who can make it all come true
Well I’m tellin’ ya that I don’t know
If I know what to do

You say that’s all right, hold tight
Well, I don’t even know
If I’m doin’ this right
Well, all right, hold tight
We can stay out all day
We can run around all night
Well, all night, all night
Well, it’s time to go home
And I ain’t even done with the night

[Instrumental Interlude]

Ain’t even done with the night
Hold tight
Well, I don’t even know
If I’m doin’ this right
Well, all right, hold tight
We can stay out all day
We can run around all night
Well, all night, all night
Well, it’s time to go home
And I ain’t even done with the night

No, I ain’t even done with the night
No, no, ain’t even done with the night
No, I ain’t even done with the night
No, no, ain’t even
Ain’t even done with the night
No, no, ain’t even done with the night
No, I ain’t even done with the night

 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

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In Remembrance

It has been seven years since the day our world changed.  Seven years and the memories from September are still fresh and still vivid.  While, I did not lose anyone that day, I did experience a certain loss; perhaps it was a loss of innocence, a loss of safety, perhaps it was the loss of those who were my county men and women.  I’m not sure I can or will be able to put my finger on what I lost that day but a part of me is deeply scared.  There is a certain hollowness, a certain ache that comes with the mentioning of that day.  It is an emotional scare that from time to time tingles with pain, loss, and sadness.  I can’t imagine the deep grief others who have lost someone feel day to day.  My heart aches for those who have lost loved ones and when I see the coverage from that day and the people who are grieving I grieve with them.  It is a palpable grief that doesn’t know a distance or an outlet or is aware of time.  It is there and it reminds me.  I grieve with you; I hope with you; I remember with you.

 

“Our hearts go out to you in your time of sorrow.

Peace, Prayers and Blessings

Although no words can really help to ease the loss you bear,
just know that you are very close in every thought and prayer.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Words seem inadequate to
express the sadness we feel.

We are thinking of you during this difficult time.

May the comfort of God help you during this difficult time.

May the peace which comes from the memories of love shared,
comfort you now and in the days ahead.

May the love of those around you
help you through the days ahead.

Remember that we love and care about you.

May your memories give you strength

Words cannot even begin to express our sorrow,
you are in our prayers.

May you take comfort in knowing
an angel is watching over you.

Hold tight to memories for comfort,
lean on your friends for strength,
and always remember how much you are cared about.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

For all those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.

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