Archive for March, 2009

I thought you all could use a good dance song to get your weekend started off! Enjoy!!!!

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Greetings everyone!  So last night Frank and I went out to see one of his friends/colleagues  play a piano concerto with the Erie Phil Harmonic but, this wasn’t a normal date oh no.  Remember how I mentioned that I was uber anxious meeting his friends/colleagues and vice a versa…well he thought it would be a great idea to invite me to the concert while he brought a friend and I could bring a friend.  Well, in hopes of putting some of my anxieties to ease, and/or having something wild to blog about, I accepted. 

I feel I should be a little clearer as to why I was so nervous about going to these concerts with Frank. (I’ve been trying to keep Frank’s history and profession a little bit guarded considering he doesn’t know I have a blog)  Frank is a musician and these concerts are populated with a ton of people that he knows and on top of that the audience is usually filled with a ton of his peers(for example I met his boss last night).  It is kind of a big deal because I am meeting these people and while it is not official to everyone that we go on dates with each other, people, I believe make the connection and after said connection I suspect there is a pondering on their part regarding our age difference.   With that being said lets continue…

I decided to bring Steve along with me.  It seemed simple enough and I circumnavigated bringing someone for him to” officially” to meet by bringing Steve.  Frank’s gay, Steve’s gay, I’m gay, Frank and Steve already know one another…I’m in the clear right? Wrong…dead wrong.  You see the concert was at 7:30 in the evening and yesterday oh say about 2ish…I get a  phone call, it was Steve and he had to bail on me for work reasons…perfect.  I was left with two options 1) Go alone…terrifying…enough said 2) Find another friend to take…it was going to have to be someone who didn’t know Frank because no one else has met Frank.  Who ends up being my replacement?  Lauren.  Obviously I opt for option two which is fine because I love Lauren and she’s great but she also is important to me so I want the meeting to go smoothly.  I want them to like one another etc.

Lauren shows up at my work place and we are off.  In the end the meeting went rather well.  Lauren and Frank got a long swimmingly and I was pretty pleased.  Unfortunately, Frank is out of town/wildly busy for the next week and a half; I’m sad but I’m anxious to see where things go when he gets back/finished with work.  It’s really good as of right now.   I will definitely keep you guys posted.

Below are two pieces that were played last night that I found exceptionally beautiful! (Mind you these are not the people we saw just other orchestra playing the same pieces.

 This first piece Franks friend played the piano concerto part.  This is the Piano Concerto No. 2 in F by Dmitri Shostakovich (it is the second part, the Andante part)


This was one of my favorite pieces of the night.  It is Johannes Brahms 3rd Symphony in F.  It is the third part, Poco Allegretto, out of the 4 pieces of the symphony. 


 P.S. This was such a good date we went on…it was great to hear the Erie Phil Harmonic

 On a final note I just want to say thanks to those of you who have gave advice and commented over the past few blogs regarding dating and age differences etc.  It is greatly appreciated!

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Hello all!  I hope you are doing well this Friday afternoon.  Things are bright, clear, and cool here in Erie.  Things have been going pretty well as of lately.  I’ve been out several times with Frank and things are progressing nicely (including the naked parties)!  I was over at his house yesterday when our conversation turned serious though.  As some of you may recall Frank is older than me.  And I don’t mean 5 years older than….let’s just say it is over ten years older than me.  For the past month we have been going out on dates (don’t to be confused with dating each other) when last night Frank asked me if we were dating….in terms of exclusively each other.  The question is a big one that I have been struggling with recently.  I’m not sure how I feel about dating someone exclusively…whether he be older or younger than me…and I think that questioning appeared on my face when he asked me.  Because he then said we could just still be going out on dates.

We ended up laying together on his futon as I had spilled my guts about us dating.  I told him how I was nervous about dating, considering the age thing, the fact that he would be the first guy that I ever legitimately dated.  It was a good conversation that needed to happen.  It put me, surprisingly, more at ease.  He told me that he has dated someone young like this before and that he does think about how people might react to him dating a much younger guy…and how he decided that he would take it one day at a time and that he didn’t really care what other people thought.  What did matter was that he was having fun and that he was happy (which were perfect answers).  So that’s where Frank and I stand at the moment.  I hate that fact that he seems so at ease with this…and all I can think about is who is going to see us I public.  I hate the fact that I fret about having the possibility of explaining to people that I’m gay but also dating a much older man.  It seems so trivial though…I look at some of my gay friends and the wrecks of gay relationships they’ve had and here I have Frank who is nice, kind, and respectful to me.  I’m attracted to him and vica versa.  And all I do is fret.  It seems as though my neurosis has gotten the best of me at the moment.  We will see how it goes from here…he did invite me to a personal concert he is giving (he is a musician of sorts) and I would end up meeting a ton of his peers….as if my neurosis and fretting wasn’t on high alert as is!  The idea of meeting this peers and them, being of reasonable intelligence, putting two and two together and realizing we were seeing each other may be putting too much stress on my already addled mind.  He did tell me that I did have to come if I wasn’t comfortable and that we could still be going on dates with one another.  He told me that it was all about me being comfortable….which again is a perfect answer.  So we will see and of course I will let you all know whether or not I go to the concert and the shenanigans that ensue.


I hope everyone has had a wonderful week.  Work has been a bit hectic lately.  We’ve recently had an increase in clients and it has upped my work load almost exponentially.  Needless to say it has been hectic recently.  On a fun note…my Sister and I scored two tickets to see Bruce Springsteen in May!!!!  I’m uber excited over the whole concert and seeing it with my Sister.  It is a nice thing that we bond over especially since my Mother was the one who turned us onto the Boss.  This will be my third Springsteen concert and my Sister’s second.  I CANT’ WAIT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We snagged general admission tickets meaning if we get to the concert hall early enough there is a possibility of us being in the first row…which I think is the closest to heaven you can be on Earth.  So in honor of my Sister and Is concert tickets here is a little Bruce juice for you to enjoy in the comfort of your home 😉



(This is one of my FAVORITE Bruce songs!)

Well that is about it for now.  I will be sure to let you know the entire goings on when I get back from the weekend.  Frank and I are supposed to hang out tonight and I’m pretty excited!

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So I am back from my slight blogging hiatus. My apologizes, work has kept me so busy this past week and I’ve not had the chance to sit down and write a good blog that you would enjoy. So now is my chance to get you caught up with everything!

I last left off last Friday. I didn’t have any big plans for Friday except to have dinner then head over to a bar to see a cover band play. But, I did have a date with Cody on Saturday. At that point in time I had been on several dates with both Frank and Cody. But in the grand scheme of things I have done a little more than go on dates and kiss with Frank than Cody. I don’t know why but I had found myself connecting with Frank a little easier than with Cody; that’s not to say Cody isn’t a great guy. So Saturday evening I head out to see “Watchmen” with Cody. I’m going to stop here for a moment to discuss “Watchmen”…I’m trying to decide whether or not to put up a spoiler alert regarding my next few statements?! Here is my warning/spoiler alert…if you like surprise male nudity then skip the next paragraph.

For those of you who have seen “Watchmen” let’s take a moment and discuss the giant, blue, cgi-ed cock in the movie. Talk about surprise male nudity. I am all for more gratuitous male nudity in films…for obvious reasons but I have to say I was a bit surprised Dr. Manhattan’s (Billy Crudup) cgi, blue cock in “Watchmen, “ but I loved it! Apparently it has been nicknamed “the crowd pleaser” LOL. What I don’t understand is how the movie walked away with just an R rating. That cock seemed to be everywhere….I guess you can show your cock and still get an R rating but the minute it is “ready for lift off” an NC-17 rating is appropriate…on yet one more side note…Night Owl II’s ass is super hot too. You can see it again in “Little Children,” what can I say Patrick Wilson has a nice ass 😉

Okay okay where was I…oh yes the date.

So the movie ends and we go to visit Steve at work then we all head over to the gay bar for some fun and dancing. We had a good time but we were only there for a small amount of time due to how late the movie ran and Steve closing up work. But there was enough time for a crazy older man (not that kind I like) to stick his hands up my shirt and begin rubbing my belly. I might be easy but not that easy 😉 Fortunately, I was pulled away by Cody. That old man was creepy as hell. 

 After the bar I drove Cody back to his car…and we just hugged. I’m not attracted to him and I didn’t know how to tell him that while I enjoy hanging out with him I don’t foresee us going any further than that.

Sunday is well Sunday and I enjoyed a day to just hangout.  Monday work kept me busy all day then I ran a ton of errands…then Cody and I along with Steve and a few other guys decided to go to the gay bar. It was a good time, I did some dancing chatted with a few guys. The funny thing about being out this Monday night was that Danny (the man engaged to another man who coincidentally tried to lay claim to my ass) was out with his fiancé. He had texted me asking me if I was going out and I said yes and I promptly told him I would love to meet his fiancé. Who I was introduced to and who turned out was lovely. But this didn’t stop Danny from giving me a squeeze while dancing at the bar with everyone. And by squeeze I mean a below the waist squeeze. I didn’t dance to much more with Danny and his fiancé after that. So the night ends and I take Cody back to his car. We hug again; I’m trying to keep my boundaries. I know I’m not attracted to Cody because while I have fun hanging out with him, I’m not physically attracted to him. I know this because over the course of the past week I had several chances to bring him home with me and I didn’t act on it. I think I learned some self restraint…I think being the operative phrase.

So on Tuesday Cody texts me telling me we need to talk. I know where this is going and I eventually get a hold of him. Leading up to the phone call I wanted to be as respectful as possible (hence the no sleeping with Cody rule I imposed on myself) and when we talked he said that he enjoyed hanging out with me but he needed to know where I stood. I told him that I just wanted to be friends and he seemed pretty okay by it. I told him I’d give him a call this weekend and we could hang out.

Now Frank is a different story. Frank, I don’t know why, but I’m attracted to him and enjoy the dates and other things we do together. Coincidentally, I had not seen Frank for a week and on Tuesday we had a date at his place (he was out of town for work). We were to watch “Gosford Park” (which I love also noticed how I said were to watch). I get to his place and we chat about his trip and catch up then next thing I know we are having a naked party. Yah I said it naked party. We have our fun and then we dig into cheese cake that I had brought for us (always a consummate guest…you always bring dessert if a movie and naked party is involved LOL). Then we end up cuddling for a while falling asleep together for a bit.

 It’s amazing the different dynamic I have between Cody and Frank. I’m amazed at how Cody seems to be the kind of guy I should be dating and attracted to but I’m not and Frank is the exact opposite. I just don’t know…but I am having fun. So we will see how it goes…I don’t think it is anything serious with Frank at the moment it’s just fun and enjoyable. But it makes me questions the whole context we operate under in today’s dating world, the need to define what we are doing.

Ever since Carolus Linnaeus created the binomial nomenclature system of identification (a man who tried to describe all the species in the world) we’ve been trying to define everything we do. You can be a sophomore in college, or a 3rd generation American, you can have a Bachelor of Science in Biology or a Bachelor of Arts in Literature, you date boys with black hair and blue eyes, you aren’t dating but have a fuck buddy, you are in a long term monogamous non-sexual relationship etc. It’s exactly what Cody was looking for when we talked on Tuesday. He wanted to define what we were doing. Which I can’t blame him…I too do love to define what I am doing and with whom I’m doing it with. But after maybe 5 dates, 1 kiss, and 3 hugs with Cody we needed to define what we were doing? What is it about defining something that gives us comfort? More importantly what do you do with something that defies definition? Take for instance the Platypus; it’s the only mammal to lay eggs instead of giving birth to live young. (On a side note did you know it is also venomous…yeah I just found that out too). In fact its’ only other relatives it has are extinct and in the fossil record! What do you do with a mutation, something different, a blip that defies a set norm in today society’s idealized view of dating? That is where I’m at with Frank at the moment. Do I attempt to define what we are at this point in time or do I just let it be what it is? When researchers tried to define the platypus they found it to be the single representative in its family and genus. Are we the platypi of the dating world? Does what Frank and I do/have defy definition and does it really matter? There are tangible benefits to defining what we do. We can’t look over the good a definition does. It lets me know if I can go on other dates, it lets Frank know we are exclusively dating each other, definitions set up boundaries and boundaries can be good. Perhaps it isn’t the definition part but the boundary part that freaks me out to some extent. Perhaps I feel that the minute I define what I’m doing and my boundaries are set something or (and I say this hesitantly) someone better will come along and what I once took as good could be better with someone else. Maybe that is the beauty of a non-defined thing with Frank. We can come and go as we please. Then I read that statement I just wrote and think how utterly ridiculous it sounds. How can people, how can I, go through life easing in and out of things/relationships/dates/people without a commitment on my end. But then I think I’m young and still feeling out being gay and being in a gay community and Frank is older than me. Is there a need on my part to tie myself down so young or am I just making excuses because I’m too scared or worse to greedy to be in a relationship? And that’s not saying I should be in a relationship with Frank, for Pete’s sake we’ve only know each other for a month. I wonder what his expectations are regarding me. Is there a reason he hasn’t said anything about the age difference and trying to define what we are? Or is he okay with what we do and just leaving it at that? Or perhaps he wants this to be fun and easy (not easy in that manner ;)) and not have to deal with the tangible pros and cons that come with a definition. Maybe Frank likes my company and what we do and that’s it. I don’t know at the moment if I can answer any of this.



What I do know is that he is coming over to my place tonight for dinner and perhaps another naked party. I also know that you are probably bored to tears over this post. So I will leave it at that. I will try and post tomorrow before the weekend. I hope you are all doing well!

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So this is my last post before the weekend….lets dish about last night.  So I got out of work a little early and went home and cleaned my entire apartment…As I had mentioned it was a mess.  Lauren and I have been living like bachelors since the first of the year and our apartment looks like it! Eep.  So after a couple of hours of cleaning and vacuuming (and making my bedroom look acceptable for any guest…it doesn’t hurt to be prepared) I hoped into the shower.  A friend stopped over that was going out with Lauren (who coincidentally vacated the apt. so that I may have some private time with Cody) then they were gone.  I grabbed a little dinner and watched a little TV.  I entertained the idea of taking a quick nap when Cody called and asked if he could come over early. We had planned an 8 pm evening but it looked like he would be over by 7:30 (no biggie as my dreams of a quick cat nap vanished).  I rushed around getting ready doing all the appropriated date things….brush my teeth; make sure we had beverages etc.  He shows up looking cute and tall.  We make small talk.  Now it is important to know that in the back of my mind I’m trying to figure out when would be a good time to tell him about me dating people etc.


I tell him he has to watch Ghost Hunters International because I am already halfway into the show before we can start the movie.  He obliges and we chat during the whole thing.  We get onto the subject of talking about ghosts and his tarot card reading when he mentions he is sensitive.  (Here is where our conversation gets really interesting).  He starts telling me he is sensitive to ghosts and spirits around him and that he sees them!  YES he can see them!!!!!  So I find myself in a very interesting spot…I am interested in what he’s talking about but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit, I don’t know freaked out is to strong of a word, hesitant or maybe awkward about the whole conversation.  So what do I do…I keep peppering him with questions.  Apparently, at the time we were together he could feel his dead Grandfather and Aunt around him.  I am trying to be as open minded as possible at this point and I keep asking questions.  It wasn’t anything I didn’t invite myself but still…this was quite the conversation.   He told me that he can see an animal spirit…not to be confused with the spirits of animals…his animal spirit just happened to be a wolf with big fangs, red eyes, and a shrill howl that lives in the woods behind his home…Now I’m a little freaked out.  I get all stereotypical and ask him questions about 6th sense and seeing people when they die…apparently they have a term for that it’s called a death form…and yes he has seen them.  It took every fiber of my being not to ask him if I had any spirits around me…I do have to admit, I would like to know but I think that would be a third date kind of questions.


So we decide to do the card reading.  I shuffle the cards and he tells me I can either ask a question in my mind or out loud. I keep the question to myself and in my head I ask, “Am I meant to be with Frank?”  Of course I would be on a date with a tarot card reader and ask a question about another love interest!  The three cards he pulls are all the same suite, the swords….he tells me it is interesting.  The swords are in decreasing numbers.  He picks up the first card and tells me that there are a lot of things around me at the moment.  All I can think is that I’ve had a ton of boys and dates recently around…it seems to fit the questions.  Then he says something that left me breathless.   He tells me that, “I shouldn’t put all my eggs in a basket.”  The reason I’m so breathless about this is because I have been using that term a lot recently.  I’ve been using the same phrase in terms of these boy and dates as of recently.  I know it seems like trivial but I found it to be quite an interesting way to phrase the card reading considering the question I had asked (which he didn’t hear me ask).  All very interesting.


So I ask another question which is just a mess the cards didn’t answer it or anything.  I chalk it up to a miss on the part of the spirit world…I’ll give them this miss they are only spirits you know.  Then I ask my final question.  In my mind I ask if my Grandfather is proud of me.  You see my Grandfather passed away 3 or 4 years ago and he was always an inspiration to me.  He was heavy into community politic, creating labor unions, and just focused on fairness and equality with people.  I’ve been thinking a lot about him recently considering one, he never knew I was gay, and two because of the political activism work I’ve been doing since the beginning of the year.  I just wanted to know if he knew how much his influence has helped shape who I was and what I was doing.  Cody takes up the first card, rubs it for a few seconds then looks me square in the eyes and say, “NO.”  I go, “what did you say?”  He says, “there is a resounding no coming from this card.”  None the less I got my answer. :/  I don’t know if I believe what he said because I don’t want to hear or believe it, or because maybe the spirit world got it wrong again or there was deeper meaning to the reading.  But I can say I was breathless once again.  I didn’t hear much after that because at that moment I had all I could take with the tarot card reading. 


As the night progressed we decided to watch “30 Days of Night” which was terrifying.  I liked it but it was scary.  Eventually, we finish the movie and Lauren comes home we banter for a bit.  She heads off to bed and Cody and I watch a little more TV.  At about midnight, I still haven’t told him about Frank and dating and time was running out quickly.  We decide it was time to end the evening.  Jesus, now I had to worry about a kiss and the dating/Frank thing.  I walk him downstairs to see him out.  Now mind you, in my head I’ve built a perfect scenario to how I am going to tell Cody how I’m seeing other people and dating, and not quite ready to settle down at the moment.  He would lean in give me a long kiss on the lips and I press him back and tell him to hold on a minute that I needed to tell him something before we went on or went too far.  Out would come the truth about dating and Frank.  He would then tell me he would wait for me and keep going out with me until he had won my affections then he would grab me again and plant another smoldering, hot kiss on my mouth, making me melt…ahem….sorry…to much information.  Anyway it started like that; he leaned forward and planted a kiss on my lips.  That would be where it derailed; here I’m expecting a lingering kiss, or at least hoping for one (for a couple reasons (the scenario and who doesn’t like a lingering kiss ;)) It was a fast kiss.  Brief not passionate a very, I hate to say it, run of the mill kiss, no tongue.  It was like two guy friends kissing and saying so long for the evening not I had a good time tonight and I wouldn’t be opposed to you asking me back upstairs and making out for a while on your mess up bed.  I was too focused on kiss performance and enjoyment when he pulled a way and said goodnight again and was heading towards his car.  Son of a bitch!  And that’s where it ended he made his way over to the car not knowing my intentions yet and we kissed! Eep.


So the date went okay, albeit different but good.  We kinda would touch legs on the couch and we had pleasant conversation.  Let’s not forget about the kiss at the end.  We are suppose to go out tomorrow night to see “Watchmen.”  Again, I hope to tell him about the dating and Frank thing and of course I’m hoping he will kiss me again.  We can’t leave out the physical or chemistry part of all things dating 😉


But, for the moment, Frank is in New York City visiting family and Cody and I don’t have plans for the evening.  What does that mean?  I’m going to happy hour in Erie.  Not just any happy hour a gay happy hour!!!!  I went to one last month and really enjoyed it.  So I’m going again this month and I’m going to see if my new found boy karma will work on all men 😉  We will see how it goes and of course I will keep you posted.


I hope you all have a spectacular weekend filled with fun, friends, flings 😉

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