Archive for July, 2010

Ssssoooo as I’ve mentioned in previous posts I work in a super small office.  There aren’t many of us so there is no telling who will be at work first to open up the front door.  We all have keys and know the code for the alarm.  Also we are a smaller branch of a larger company.  With that being said, I arrived at work a few minutes late due to a hold up in the coffee line.  I pull in and realize I’m the only person at work.  No biggie.  Our lawn care guys are doing their thing and I wave to them as I park and start pulling out stuff from my car.  I pull on a satchel I carry, my lunch (I like to take my lunch to work!), grab my coffee.  This leaves me basically one hand to get into the front door and successfully turn off our alarm system…the rest of me is littered with things I’m hold.  I manage to get in the door and just as I begin punching in our code….I realize our phone is ringing off the hook.  I’m stuck with my hands full, trying to turn off the alarm, and try to get to the phone.  Alas one would not be finished or taken care of, in this situation it was the phone.  Not only was the phone not reached due to my filled hands I began having troubles with our alarm.  It kept flashing “men’s room” and all I could think is get this alarm off or the cops will be called thinking there is a break in.  I manage to get it taken care of and move on to bigger and better things.  I open doors, turn on the fax/copier machine, I begin gathering the mail that needs to go out when all of a sudden the phone starts ringing again.  It is now 8:40am and I still have not had a drop of coffee and I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle clients just yet.  I pick up and muster the best “Good Morning” I could.  On the other end of the line I expected some client asking for something crazy that they needed and should have contacted us days ago…..my assumption was wrong, it was my office’s parent companies safety office…..they inform me that a window has been broken in the BASEMENT and set off the alarm.   And I’m thinking aaabbbuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Here I am in my office while lord knows what’s going on in the basement.   I’m just thinking about how I’m all by myself when the officer politely tells me that I have to go into the basement and check it out……..GO INTO THE BASEMENT BY MYSELF TO CHECK OUT IF I HAVE AN INTRUDER AT WORK…………

Now let me be clear I work out in a rural area and our company’s security office would take a bit of time to get out to us…..So here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  My choices are as follows (mind you I was listing these in my head while being freak out about the situation I was in)

  1.  Call the cops.  Seems like the good thing to do.  I’ve watched enough scary movies to say screw doing things alone.  Call the cops or get your ass ripped up by a killer with a chip on his shoulder.
  2. Ignore it….continue doing work things and pray I don’t get my ass ripped up by a killer.
  3. Call my boss.  Probably not a good idea she’s just like me in the mornings.
  4. Talk to our safety office into sending someone and wait 30 minutes for them to arrive…if I could talk them into it.
  5. Stop being scared, because there probably is not big deal, and check it out myself….and pray I don’t get my ass ripped up by a deranged killer.

And like a lamb being led to slaughter I tell the safety officer I’ll check it out.

I walk to the stairwell and flip the stairwells lights on and in stereotypical fashion yell out a timid hello….queue the scary music leading up to my death, and head down the steps.  I get to the basement (of all places the basement) and call out again for anyone and hit the lights….My hearts throbbing I’m waiting for a homeless man to bolt from a corner or a raccoon to fly out of the ceiling.  I wait….I wait…..I wait…..nothing…..nothing at all.  So I start searching (because I’m totally looking for an attack now).  I start looking for the cracked window and ended up locating a potential crack in the MEN’S ROOM of our basement.   It seems that just before I entered the office this morning one of our lawn care guys mowers caught a rock and send it special delivery to one of our men’s room basement windows cracking the window not shattering it but setting off the alarm just as I was opening the door.

Feeling better and a bit more secure I go upstairs and call the safety office.  The guy on the other line manages to destroy my sense of relief when he says, “Well, we will mark it down as no intruder.”  Um what would have happened if there was an intruder???????????  Is it proper protocol to send victims to an intruder????? Blerg it is going to be a day.

Just another day at the office!

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Sometimes the only joy I get from work is model walking down our long hallway to get to the bathroom.  It’s long, scarcely populated, and so much fun!  I pop those hips throw back my shoulders and pertend to push catty bitches of my runway.  And remember Tyra always says don’t walk like a horse.  I suggest you try this at work sometime.

ANTM bitches!  Always smile with your eyes!

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Dear boys who read,

You are infinitely hotter when you read and I just want you to know your reading is greatly appreciated. I love watching you browse books at the library, running your fingers over the binds of potential selections you may purchase at the local bookstore, sitting enjoying coffee and reading etc. It doesn’t go unnoticed! There is nothing sexier than having a long conversation with you over the book you just finished, or your favorite book/author of all time, and then suggesting books to each other. It’s sheer joy. Mystery, murder, sci-fi, historical non-fiction, biographies, the classics, are perfect companions in my opinion and when I see you pick one up it makes me want to pick you up! Besides its obvious educational benefits, you reading suggest to me that you appreciate other forms of entertainment instead of television and the internet and that you have something behind those beautiful blue eyes or gorgeous dark brown eyes.

So all you boys who read this and enjoy a good book, keep reading and let’s chat about books, and for all you boys that don’t read….please start. There is nothing sadder than a cute boy who says he doesn’t read or thinks books are boring.

Real men read,


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Four for you Argentina….you go Argentina!

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No Decaf Please

One of the part time associates that I work with just cornered me by the coffee machine and began extolling the virtues of decaffeinated coffee.  I felt like a caged animal.  You know the kind that put their head down and avoid eye contact and back up into the corner of the cage until you try to pet them then they go ballistic.  I was ready to claw my way back to my cubicle.  I promptly told her I don’t drink decaf and she kept going on and on and I told her again that I don’t drink coffee for the taste (which is only partially a lie…I do like the taste but caffeine before taste I always say) as I dumped a healthy dose of sugar into my morning brew.  This isn’t the first time she has tried this decaffeinated spiel and I’ve heard through the office grapevine that she thinks I’m “tense” which would explain why she gave me decaf coffee and chamomile tea (which apparently is suppose to be soothing) as a Christmas gift this year (now do you see what I’m talking about).  Of course I’m tense around you lady, you’re always in my personal space telling me to drink decaf coffee. Can’t you please leave me alone?

 (the link to this pic is kinda cool too)

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I need coffees in me soonly!  I got me scrabble tonight and I need to be on my A+ game

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Whew, I was worried they might repeal DATA without sending out a survey first; Because a survey is a proper way to measure/gauge discrimination.  Heaven forbid we ever repeal a blatenly discriminatory policy without first getting imput from everyone.  Should we take some guesses as to how long it will take for the Pentagon to get the replys back and then compile the responses before they come to the conclusion that it is still a bad policy that should be overturned.  Lawrence Korb hit the nail on the head.

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