Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Alright let me pick up where I have left off.  As I mentioned I was torn between two guys Steve the meanie guy that flirts with me and the older sexual harassment guy…we’ll call him Craig.  I also left off with my Alma Mater’s Homecoming looming.  Homecoming was a spectacular blast.  We had tons of people stay with me and Lauren at our place lots of booze, lots of fun etc.  Friday night I had a slight development with Steve.  We were both drunk at my Alma Mater’s favorite bar hangout and having a broken conversation.  He did not go to my college but he came with several friends to hang out will all us alums.  We end up leaving, he got a ride home with friends, me in a taxi with a few other friends and we start texting.  I managed to get back into my bedroom and crash on my floor when I get a text from Steve “I want you in my mouth”….abuhhhhhhhh.  I was flattered, excited, and somewhat confused by this exclamation.  We had flirted but in the back of my mind I had not really thought anything would have come of Steve.  I’m drunk and I’m pretty sure I send a text back that wasn’t sexual in nature but ponderus…my cell phone blinks with a response from Steve, “ I want to suck  you off”…could my 11 months of strike outs with the boys finally have worn off?  Have I just scored a homerun?…my cell phone blinks again.  It’s Steve, “j/k”….what in the world I wonder, then another text “just kidding.”  At this point, between the massive amount of booze circulating in my system and these weird text messages, I’m totally confused.  We text for a few more minutes when he tells me he is texting his EX-BOYFRIEND…I pass out downtrodden. 


The next day I receive a text from him apologizing for the perverted texts…I haven’t texted him in three days.  Needless to say, the universe screwed me over again, not surprisingly.  I’m sad but not surprised.  For the moment Steve is out of the picture.  I don’t time or patience to worry about a guy who is hung up on his ex when I took the time to flirt and make myself available to him.  Available for dating and such…what kind of available are you thinking of?????


The rest of the weekend goes of without a stitch.  It isn’t until Monday that things get interesting.  So I am at work and Craig and I have been emailing each other.  Mostly about the event I’m hosting but there are flirty nuances in the emails.  So I give him my personal email.  In one email I ask him what he is doing.  He responds going to a movie, and asks if I like Woody Allen films (queue the Juno Quote “Woody Allen! I love Woody Allen.”  That’s would be Juno’s friend Leah who is flirting with an older teacher…the situation is reminiscent to my own at the moment).  I tell him I don’t mind them and that my evening was going to consist of going to a lecture about Civil Rights, MLK, and the political race with Obama.  He then asks me to join him at the movies….hello Vicky Christina Barcelona good bye Civil Rights lecture.  (I couldn’t help myself…you would do the same)  So we meet at the theater.  He had a couple of free passes so we go in and it is me and him and these two older people.  Drat, I totally would have made out with him in the theater.  The movie was awesome and we then go out for drinks…I’m thinking this is kinda like a date but kinda not.  After two hours of drinking and talking and A LOT of touching, he asks if I would like a tour of his house…meager come on but I am totally down with it.  We get back to his house and I do get a tour and then the real fun began.


I know I know you probably want all the fun and gay details…I’ll give you just a few.  It was fun, after 11 months I know I still got it, it was fun, I still have a few scraps of dignity still intact, it was fun, no we didn’t go all the way, it was still fun, and I might be meeting up with him on Sunday….did I mention it was fun!


After our fun all I could think is of that moment in Under the Tuscan Sun where Diane Lane has sex for the first time after her divorce and she’s bouncing all over her room chanting “I still got it… (grabs chest)…I still got it…(laying on her back kicking her legs like an excited child…I…Still…Got….It.”  I had the same type of reaction, it just wasn’t in my bedroom therefore it was a little reserved.  Note the picture below



So I don’t know where this is going.  I am not putting to much thought into it.  He is older than me; perhaps we are friends that just like to fool around…I don’t know and I’m not going to try and label quite yet…I’m sure that won’t last long though…that’s my neurosis talking.


P.S. He gave me his cold……

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Just another quick post for the week….A couple of months ago I blogged about gay marriage rights be accepted in NY and at the end I discussed the 1913 law that Mitt Romney used to stop gay men and women from marrying in Massachusetts. (the post is below)


Well there is great news today!!!!!!

The Massachusetts Senate passed repeal for the law.  This means that after a few more passes though the governance system in the state and gay men and women will be able to drive to marry in Massachusetts.  This is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see the link below)




Not only does the repeal have the backing of some heavy leaders in the Senate, it passed with no objections!  Congrats to all the hardworking people who have made this legislation possible, you should be proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Take that Mitt Romney, perhaps we should ban Mormons being married………..(I can’t believe I just wrote that thinking Mitt Romney will ever read my blog….and I’m sure I just angered about a gazillion Mormons because I know they are a cornerstone of my readers/views of my blog *Sammy shakes his head*)













UUGGGHHH here is yet one more political picture….I’m a masochist for putting these haters up. 


Speaking of Mormons though I saw this article and it made me giggle a little. 




The Mormons are in an uproar over this calender that has young Mormon men without their shirts off. 


 What is sad is there is Mormon that is trying to lighten up Mormon image and have some fun.  He is trying to break a stereotype and then bam he is excommunicated.  Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture.  The Mormons do not like to be considered cultish (even though non-Mormons cannot attend services…cultish, and don’t get me started on women in the Mormon cult Church) and they have this guy trying to PR the shit out of the Mormon Church and show that they aren’t cultish or stereotypical and then they go and do the stereotypical thing…EXCOMMUNICATE.  I’m just saying….this kinda makes the church look…stereotypical, uptight, stupid…but hey that’s me.


You know something about excommunication…it totally ups ones hottness factor.  I mean come on this guy did something so wrong he was excommunicated from a major religion.  I’d totally hit it, and the guy on the cover of the calender…I’m just saying.  I just hope he got to keep the money he made from the calender…why not keep the money if your church excommunicated you?


On a final more fun/gratuitous hottness note the Dark Knight premiered with much fanfare in NY.  I was browsing blogs and found this hottness of man.  So I am going to end the post with him.  He is oh so good looking!  Anyone know who he is and where I can order one?  Also, I hope I don’t get in trouble for using this photo…gulp!






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As promised from my last blog…..A crazy homeless story!!!!!!!!


Perhaps it’s politically incorrect, or mean, or just down right wrong, but I am afraid of homeless people.  I know what you’re thinking, this Sammy character is an ass and is a horrible person; hear me out first.


I have certain mainstream fears like flying or more appropriate plane crashes.  But, besides those mainstream fears I have discovered that the homeless have this affinity towards me.  I have no idea where it came from…they are like horses, they can sense my fear and hesitancy.  I know the moment when said fear surfaced…It was the 5 days I spent in Louisiana. 


I was in Louisiana, with one of my roommates for a conference, after the conference we did what any typical, normal, college guys would do with their friends in Louisiana…go to Bourbon St.  Innocent enough right…not the case.  So we go and get boozed up pretty well.  Then my roommate, James, tells me we have to go back to our hotel to meet someone or get something…I don’t quite remember, all I know we left Bourbon St. and turned up Canal Street heading for our hotel.  While we are walking a homeless man in a red sweat suit starts following us.  So what it looks like is homeless man on my left and James on my right.  The man was telling us how he has this disease and how many kids he has to feed etc. etc. etc.  I have no money on me so bribing my way out of this mess is out of the question; James is boozed up pretty good and is in his own world.  This is when homeless man becomes crazy homeless man.  He starts demanding we give him some type of monetary sum because now he has, in his own words “walk all the way from Bourbon St. to our current position” and he deserves it.  Now I am scared, we are walking faster and he is keeping up with us.  I can see the overhang for our hotel and all I can think is just get into the hotel because he won’t follow us in and solicit money. It would be at this point crazy homeless man produces a bottle and takes a wild swing at me with it!!!!!!!!  To clarify this, I’m drunk, not sure if the bottle is plastic or glass (I am assuming glass for two reasons 1) It makes for a better story and 2) There is liquid in it that I assume is some form of booze) and the swing whips over my head (On a side not I’m not sure if the homeless man meant for the bottle to swing over my head or if it went haywire because James stepped in front of me to protect me…he’s very tall and much bigger guy then me).  The swing was close enough to make me think in my boozy haze holy Jesus a crazy homeless man just tried to hit me with a bottle.


The crazy homeless man then scampers off into the darkness.  All in all a bit of a scary moment but more importantly it has touched off a series of crazy homeless people interactions for me…perhaps I should have given that man money I bet the S.O.B cursed me now that I think about  it.


Since then I have had a homeless man throw change at me for not giving him money and another homeless man hug me and rub his unshaven face on mine.  Not the most fun experiences to say the least….I just gave me the heebie jeebies. BLAH

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Hello all in the blogsphere.  I hope this finds you well and enjoying the first days of June.  The weather is warm and beautiful in Erie…so I have decided to…..write a blog….and go on a bike ride as soon as I get home from work.  So my love life has been lacking recently and nothing wildly has happened lately and I was wondering just what I was going to blog about this week when it came to me…I’ll blog about coming out of the closet to my best friend and roommate Lauren.  Yes coming out, every gay man’s nightmare.  I am still coming out to my friends bit by bit and it’s still hard.  In fact, I’ve hope that over the past few months that I would discover a process to follow when coming out to someone….no dice as of yet…it’s still kinda weird and awkward to tell people that I like guys.  With this in mind I always think that alcohol is the best answer to coming out….you know numb the whole process get it out and explain later….well alcohol was the main culprit in why I had to come out to Lauren almost 3 time over the span of 2 years….yes 2 years and 3 tries…this is going to be a wild blog.


Let me set the stage:  It is October of 2005.  I am back in school for my fifth year to finish up some extra courses for a second degree.  After a particularly boozy party with a bunch of anthropologists…and trust me anthropologists know how to party…I somehow find myself at a friend’s toga party.  I am toeing the line of drunken bad-decision making and drunken blacking out.  I see this guy from across the room and my gaydar starts going off.  He isn’t the most attractive guy out there, but I’m drunk, horny, and barely out of the closet.  So in my infinite wisdom I mouth the words to him “wanna make out”…totally not my style…he responds in the affirmative.  Drunken bad-decision for the evening…CHECK.  Next thing I know I am in the laundry room next to the party…making out hardcore…lets just say my repressed gay sex drive is surfacing at mach speeds.  So there we are making out with the lights on in said laundry room, one of us was sitting on top of the washer…I can’t quit remember who though, next thing I know the laundry door is opening…I pull away from…TPMOSG (Toga Party Make-Out Session Guy).  Low and behold it is Lauren and another one of our friends…I think I have diverted the whole coming out crisis in time…the other girl had come to her laundry…I mean seriously who does laundry on a Friday/Saturday (I can’t remember what I was drunk).  We exchange pleasantries and they go on their way cue the next round of making out.  As a side note, the evening ends up with more making out and some flesh flashing in another laundry room in my building (I’m not getting descriptive, you have an imagination…hahahahah)  Also, the reason for the laundry rooms were because nobody knew I was gay yet, including my roommates at the time, and perhaps I have a thing for laundry rooms…stop it I know you like laundry rooms too.


So at this point I think Lauren didn’t catch me in the act of making out with TPMOSG (what I was inebriated and my ability to make intelligent and logical decisions was impaired…not like you’ve never been there) …this isn’t entirely true…skip to the beginning of March of 2007.


I am in Vegas with a bunch of my roommates their girlfriends and Lauren.  On a particular night we all decide to play a little game called what happens in Vegas stay in Vegas (or also know as the unknown gay friend’s subject for a blog post on wordpress).  For lack of a better term, we get blitzed culminated in drinking games and games of truth and dare.  So at one point I decide that I want to get more free booze so me and two other friends go to play some slots…looking back free booze by playing slots seems a little counterintuitive…oh well.  We go out I sober up and come back to our room 2 hours later.  I find Lauren in our room, in hysterics, on her phone…with her ex-boyfriend, whom she affectionately saved in her phone as “El Diablo”…or for those of you who are Spanish impaired, roughly translated…The Devil.  Lauren has hit her fun high note for the evening and is quickly spiraling downward.  Me and one of her college roommates go to work at wrestling the phone out of her hand which she has a death grip on…she’s in tears, I’m a bit sober but still buzzed, and just after I get the words into her receiver to the devil, “she’ll call you tomorrow”, she screams to him “WE ONLY HAVE THIS LIFE”, snap the phone shuts…I think I have painted a pretty good picture of the end result of the game What Happens In Vegas Stay in Vegas.  But we are not entirely done yet.  So I go to work at consoling Lauren we get into bed and she passes out in my arms…no we didn’t sleep together.  Thinking the worst is over I roll over onto my side to get some much deserved shut eye.  Just as I am about to fall asleep, a drunk Lauren hoists herself up onto my shoulder and whispers, “I know your laundry room secret and it’s safe with me…” she promptly passes the fuck out…leaving me bug-eyed staring at our dark hotel wall.  Needless to say I’m a bit shocked.  As I mentioned in my drunken haze a year and a half ago I though Lauren had missed my make out session…obviously I was mistaken.


Cut to the next three days in Vegas…Me walking around trying to figure out if Lauren remembers what she had said the night before or if it was a moment that she can’t remember due to her alcohol intake.  For finally after three days I get her to go on a walk alone and ask if she remembers what she said to me.  She doesn’t so I end up having to finally tell her, sober, that I’m gay.  That’s when the whole laundry room debacle comes to light and blah blah blah I’m out.  It was a ridiculous coming out but I look back at it and get a really good laugh out of it.  I hope you do to!


P.S.  Lauren’s quote “WE ONLY HAVE THIS LIFE” is still used today in our conversations.


P.P.S Trust me I know from experience, booze does not make coming out easier…in fact it complicates things…but I still do it


P.P.P.S. Totally fool around in a laundry room (perhaps not public…a la myself) it’s a whole lot of fun…trust me!

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