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Posts Tagged ‘Steve’

 I hope this finds everyone well and resting after an eventful Thanksgiving holiday.  I apologized, yet again, for life interfering with my blogging.  I know you have all been foaming at the mouth waiting for my next post 😉 

It has been a mess of two weeks.  My boss was out of the office for a week and I made a terrible assumption that the few days prior to my tiny Thanksgiving vacation would be low key…I was dead wrong.  Work turned out to be a mess of phone calls, projects, and other various tasks that had me wishing for my next cocktail.  Along with this and the ever present threat of snow in Erie (which never came) my trip home to Pittsburgh had me frazzled by the time Wednesday rolled around. 

I managed to finish work and head home.  I could only stay one day with my parents considering the coming Saturday would be a wedding reception I had to attend for the couple that was married in Oklahoma.  Thanksgiving was wonderful it was great being with  my full family and extended family on my Mother’s side…unfortunately I had to miss my second Thanksgiving dinner with my Father’s Italian side of the family due to the reception…which,  may I add, is punishable by Italian death!

I managed to get a visit in with my High School best friend, who’s Father got me drunk, then I fell off my first two steps of my porch…it was slick out (this was the day before Thanksgiving so no I wasn’t drinking and driving).  I arrived late Friday evening in Erie and caught some quick hang out time with Steve at his place of employment.  I still want to make out with him even though I know it will be a mistake.  Saturday I was up early pressing shirts, grooming myself for the reception and wrapping gifts etc.  Lauren picked me up and we were off to Ohio for the second reception.  We stayed at a nice hotel and the reception was a fun, drunken mess.  Lauren’s parents were there and all these great people from my Alma Mater.   The next day we had brunch with the groom, bride, and their families then it was off to Erie again…this time with the Bride’s friend from OK. We hit it off so well that he decided to come to the reception then crash with us until tonight.  He is a lot of fun but I can’t tell if he is gay or not.  He has straight tendencies then he will call me “honey” or refer to Lauren as “sweetie.”  Again I kinda want to make out with him but I think I’m not going to test those waters quite yet. 

So here I am two weeks later and bushed.  I thought after October life would settle down a bit and it hasn’t.  It seems to have dragged on into December.  All I know is that I’m going to be going steady, in terms of work and holiday preparation, until Dec. 24th…the day I get to drive home for Christmas.  Even then I don’t stop because along with my holiday festivities two days after Christmas I fly to DC for New Years.  I’m beside myself with everything.

On a political note…I’ve been more active in our LGBT community group.  We had a folding party last week to get the Erie Gay Newsletter out…we participated in the postcard mailing join the impact has been talking about.  What is really cool I don’t know if I’ve blogged about it yet is that Erie was featured in the Advocates blog on their website regarding our Prop 8 Protest!!!!  It was uber exciting and validating knowing smaller areas were getting some of the attention considering we had a smaller turn out then in places like San Francisco, New York etc.  We are planning other events and things to do in terms of gay activism.  One of the cool things we have been discussing is having a gathering at one of our local theaters to go see Milk (which I am dying to see!)

What else what else what else.

My love life or lack there of is in its typical state of gay mess.  I am still “seeing” John even if it’s for even games of gay wrestling.  I managed to give my number to the guy that Lauren works with at her second job.  I made another assumption thinking he was more my speed and that he would call me…and I wrong again.  2008 has not been the year of men for Sammy.  It’s the typical fashion for dating recently with me…but it’s okay the spell should be broken…right!?!?!?!!?  Then there’s Steve.  Steve and I have been hanging out pretty regularly.  I think it is safe to say that he is one of my first true gay friends that I can commiserate with.  It’s nice to have someone like that.  I mean Lauren is great but she’s not gay and it’s a little harder for straight people to understand the inner workings of us gay men.  And I’m sure she is sick and tired of hearing me rant on and on about being gay.  The problem with Steve is that I can’t rectify my feelings for him.  It started out with me wanting him, then not wanting him, then being his friend then still wanting to make out with him.  I look at him and I can see potential boyfriend material.  He’s a little rough around the edges and yes he is brash with what he says but there is something of a decent moral fabric there….but then again I’m typing with my rose colored glasses on and that has the tendency to get me in trouble.  He needs some fine tuning but he’s got some character.  But I’m not sure if he is attracted to me.  I am stuck in the hard place of wanting to see if something happens, not wanting to scare away my first gay friend…ugh it’s just a big old gray area. 

 

Well that is about it for now.  I hope you all are gay readers are continuing checking in with join the impact.  We have day without gay coming up and so on.  We have to keep ourselves active and continue working for our rights! 

 

I hope you all are doing well and had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving!!!!!!  I hope it was filled with tons of food (especially turkey my favorite!!!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tons of pie

 

 

 

 And perhaps some sweet man candy 😉

 

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Hello everyone!  I thought I would catch up with you very quickly.  It seems since last Wednesday, when we had our gay rally, that I’ve been going full tilt and haven’t had the ability to get my feet back under me.  We planned on Wednesday for the rally.  It was cool to connect with the older gay community and they made me, Lauren, Lucy, and Steve (yes Steve I’ve kinda had a thing for) feel very welcome.

 

I ended up scribing for our group.  There were two; I guess you would say leaders, for us, one gay guy and one straight pastor.  We discussed a variety of plans to show our solidarity.  What we decided on was solidarity bands for our arms, red, white, and blue (because we are all American citizens) speakers, including myself and Lauren (which made me nervous because I’m not completely out) and then there was a symbolic wedding ceremony wedding all us gays and our supporters.  Our protest was set for this past Saturday on the Erie County Court House steps at 1:30pm. 

 

The meeting was great but there was one problem.  The straight pastor kept trying to keep things civil.  It was the whole “you can’t fight hate with hate” idea.  Which is a wonderful idea but I was hot under the collar.  I wanted some loud protests.  I wanted us to be expressive; I wanted us to use a mega-phone etc.  But this pastor kept it civil, which is probably better but to be quite frank I want people to be scared of us.  I want people to be scared of us not because we are gay but because we mean business.  I don’t force my sexuality on anyone and when people feel the need to force their own moral belief on what a marriage is on me I want them to know that I don’t like it.  I want people to take stock in what I have to say, I want to be heard and I want them to listen and answer me.  But that is just me and this being my first rally I didn’t think it would have been to great of me to high jack the rally and go on a religious crusade looking for the mormons.  I kid…and not that their would be a ton of mormons in Erie…I digress.

 

Also this weekend we celebrated a late birthday bar crawl for me but it was Lauren’s birthday as well.  So we had friends staying at our place from Friday until Sunday…then on Sunday Lauren’s parents and siblings came down to visit for the afternoon.  Needless to day I was constantly going this weekend.  In fact I ended up taking a mental health day yesterday.  Not only did I sleep in, I cleaned our kitchen and bathroom, did the dishes, baked a cake for Lauren’s birthday (I wanted to do laundry but our washer and dryer was out of order), and I wrapped gifts.  It was very busy.  Then I had two business meetings this morning. 

 

The Saturday rally was awesome.  We got an early lunch and talked about gay stuff then headed over to the court house.  We were there with our signs and umbrellas (it rained), we had our solidarity ribbons on etc.  There were a couple of speakers one of them was a lesbian I went to college with that I didn’t know was a lesbian…and I saw another girl who was a partner with me in a class that turn out was a lesbian too.  It was like we all came out to each other coming to the rally.  It was a weird but awesome moment!  Both Lauren and I spoke on the steps of the courthouse.  It was scary but empowering.  We briefly talked about how straight people need to be our voices to and help promote gay marriage and I talked about how I was a gay man and how it was unbelievable that people still try to take our rights away from us in 2008 etc.  We had between 80 to 150 people it was hard to estimate.  We ended up on a variety of news outlets.  It was really cool and empowering.  I felt like a part of a community for the first time.  There were no real protestors protesting us.  We did have a variety of people drive past and beep for us from their cars which was awesome.  Afterwards we went to a coffee house with others from the community and other supporters.  It was cool getting to know others.  Plus I’ve decided to try and get a little more into some community activism.  So we will see how it goes.  Overall it has been going going going.  I want to say that I’m ready for Thanksgiving break but it is going to be just as busy at break as it is now.  I have work stuff on Friday, a dental appointment on Monday, then home for Thanksgiving back to Erie the next day, then over to Ohio for another wedding reception for the couple from Oklahoma then we have a friend staying with us until the first Tuesday of Dec and lets not forget the whole Christmas shopping deal that is coming up.  whew…  So that’s about it in a nut shell.

 

In terms of the dating world; Craig and I are still seeing each other intermittently for gay wrestling matches.  I’m still making attempts to take Lauren’s co-worker on a date but I can never seem to ask him or catch him when he is at work….Steve and I are now friends.  I still want to make out with him but not much else…or at least I keep telling myself that.  It’s nice to have a gay friend though.  We’ve been hanging out much more lately.  It is weird cause I feel like I like him, but I wonder if it’s just me liking having a gay friend and then some of the things he says about past ex’s makes me anxious.  So I don’t know what is going on. 

 

On a final note…winter has finally come to Erie.  We got something like 2 feet from Sunday into Monday…the Farmer’s Almanac says it going to be bad this winter…did I ever mention I hate the Farmer’s Almanac.

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Alright let me pick up where I have left off.  As I mentioned I was torn between two guys Steve the meanie guy that flirts with me and the older sexual harassment guy…we’ll call him Craig.  I also left off with my Alma Mater’s Homecoming looming.  Homecoming was a spectacular blast.  We had tons of people stay with me and Lauren at our place lots of booze, lots of fun etc.  Friday night I had a slight development with Steve.  We were both drunk at my Alma Mater’s favorite bar hangout and having a broken conversation.  He did not go to my college but he came with several friends to hang out will all us alums.  We end up leaving, he got a ride home with friends, me in a taxi with a few other friends and we start texting.  I managed to get back into my bedroom and crash on my floor when I get a text from Steve “I want you in my mouth”….abuhhhhhhhh.  I was flattered, excited, and somewhat confused by this exclamation.  We had flirted but in the back of my mind I had not really thought anything would have come of Steve.  I’m drunk and I’m pretty sure I send a text back that wasn’t sexual in nature but ponderus…my cell phone blinks with a response from Steve, “ I want to suck  you off”…could my 11 months of strike outs with the boys finally have worn off?  Have I just scored a homerun?…my cell phone blinks again.  It’s Steve, “j/k”….what in the world I wonder, then another text “just kidding.”  At this point, between the massive amount of booze circulating in my system and these weird text messages, I’m totally confused.  We text for a few more minutes when he tells me he is texting his EX-BOYFRIEND…I pass out downtrodden. 

 

The next day I receive a text from him apologizing for the perverted texts…I haven’t texted him in three days.  Needless to say, the universe screwed me over again, not surprisingly.  I’m sad but not surprised.  For the moment Steve is out of the picture.  I don’t time or patience to worry about a guy who is hung up on his ex when I took the time to flirt and make myself available to him.  Available for dating and such…what kind of available are you thinking of?????

 

The rest of the weekend goes of without a stitch.  It isn’t until Monday that things get interesting.  So I am at work and Craig and I have been emailing each other.  Mostly about the event I’m hosting but there are flirty nuances in the emails.  So I give him my personal email.  In one email I ask him what he is doing.  He responds going to a movie, and asks if I like Woody Allen films (queue the Juno Quote “Woody Allen! I love Woody Allen.”  That’s would be Juno’s friend Leah who is flirting with an older teacher…the situation is reminiscent to my own at the moment).  I tell him I don’t mind them and that my evening was going to consist of going to a lecture about Civil Rights, MLK, and the political race with Obama.  He then asks me to join him at the movies….hello Vicky Christina Barcelona good bye Civil Rights lecture.  (I couldn’t help myself…you would do the same)  So we meet at the theater.  He had a couple of free passes so we go in and it is me and him and these two older people.  Drat, I totally would have made out with him in the theater.  The movie was awesome and we then go out for drinks…I’m thinking this is kinda like a date but kinda not.  After two hours of drinking and talking and A LOT of touching, he asks if I would like a tour of his house…meager come on but I am totally down with it.  We get back to his house and I do get a tour and then the real fun began.

 

I know I know you probably want all the fun and gay details…I’ll give you just a few.  It was fun, after 11 months I know I still got it, it was fun, I still have a few scraps of dignity still intact, it was fun, no we didn’t go all the way, it was still fun, and I might be meeting up with him on Sunday….did I mention it was fun!

 

After our fun all I could think is of that moment in Under the Tuscan Sun where Diane Lane has sex for the first time after her divorce and she’s bouncing all over her room chanting “I still got it… (grabs chest)…I still got it…(laying on her back kicking her legs like an excited child…I…Still…Got….It.”  I had the same type of reaction, it just wasn’t in my bedroom therefore it was a little reserved.  Note the picture below

 

 

So I don’t know where this is going.  I am not putting to much thought into it.  He is older than me; perhaps we are friends that just like to fool around…I don’t know and I’m not going to try and label quite yet…I’m sure that won’t last long though…that’s my neurosis talking.

 

P.S. He gave me his cold……

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Hello everyone…I’m sorry for the delayed posting but work has been kicking my ass as of lately.  I have a huge event that takes place in October and I am running around like a crazy person trying to make sure all my eggs are in a row (or however you say that saying).  As a quick update last weekend end was a boozy mess.  I think I insulted one of my sisters old flames and I can’t quite remember what I said which probably isn’t good but whatevs.  Steve and I have been exchanging frequent text messages but I can’t read him.  Occasionally he flirts then he doesn’t.  I flirt but I don’t want to because I’m not sure where the whole thing is going…it really is just another big old gay mess.  He did invite me to the gay bars this weekend, but I’m not sure if I want to go.  My fruit fly (Lauren) is out of town and that means I would have to go on this gay adventure alone…which for all intensive purposes makes me nervous…ugh.  I might just play coy and not go.  I do believe that Steve thinks he has the upper hand in our flirting and I refuse to wait around like a little puppy dog wanting him to like me (which I find myself doing against my wishes)…we are playing games and one, I don’t like games, and two, I’m bad at games..unless it’s Clue or Monopoly then I kick your ass!  So that’s that at the moment.

On another note I met a guy on line about a year ago though a dating agency….yes yes I just admited it I did the online dating thing.  A legit one, that cost me money, and not one for hookups although it did lead to a “hookup”  if you could call it that.  But, that is an entirely different story for an entirely different post…I digress.  While I was on said dating agency, an older man messaged me and we started chatting.   Well he wanted to meet me about a year ago and I wasn’t up to it.  You see he is older then me….like 20 years older than me (I’m not embelishing).  He had assured me that he didn’t want to hookup with me, he just wanted to meet new people in the area (I don’t know about you but the more I type this the more I think it sounds like a horror movie come to life)  But he didn’t pressure me and we have email each other occasionally thoughout the year.  We only talked once about meeting and it never came up again.  Well, just recently I felt like I might want to meet him.  So we are suppose to meet on Friday and I’m kinda of nervous…I keep having these flashing images of ax murders etc with this meeting, but I do have to say that if he was a killer he is a patient bugger (that was a joke).  In his last email he gave me his phone number and suggested a bunch of very public places to meet, Starbucks, the mall etc.  I don’t know many killers that suggest things like that but again I don’t know many killers…perhaps it’s his status quo….panic attack!  Lucy knows that I am going to meet him and I am going to text his phone number to her and his name as a percaution I mean you can never be to careful.  I am nervous and excited…I’m kind of flattered that an older man wants to meet me too (I sound like a mess go figure).

Well that’s about if for now.  I’m looking for advice regarding meeting an older man out.  If you have advice or a story let me know!

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Good morning bloggers! I hope you are doing well.  I have some fun stuff to talk about but first I want to look once more, briefly, at Palin.

 

I’m not sure what American people are thinking supporting McCain and most importantly Palin.  I am going to break this really easily.  Why in the world would anybody vote for a woman who has little to no foreign policy…especially if we are in a war in a foreign country?  Is it just me or does anyone else see the absurdity of this?  I’m telling you it is flawed reasoning, plain and simple. 

 

You know the invasion into Afghanistan and the war in Iraq has been a heated topic for the past 8 years.  It has been a long conversation across party lines and here we are 8 years later on the cusp of an election and people want to elect someone who doesn’t have any foreign policy experience.  This is despite whether you are for or against the war…this is about running a war in a correct manner.  I do not think Palin could advise adequately regarding the war.  More importantly that is just a glossing regarding foreign policy, there is so much more involved.  Think of what would happen if McCain passed away in office and Palin assumed the role of President.  America would have a young woman with little to no experience running the country.  I just don’t know what people are thinking. 

 

Okay I’m getting off my soap box.

 

So this weekend was good, busy…but good.  Friday night I was invited out to a gay bar with friends whom I’ve not come out to yet.  They were going with another gay friend so that he could spy on his ex-boyfriend.  So my reasoning is go any chance to become acclimated to a gay bar is a good chance, plus what if the friend is cute…there is always a catch.  So we meet and go to a straight bar and have some drinks we are having a good time and the boy is cute…we’ll call him Steve.  He has a wicked sense of humor and is wildly inappropriate…which a plus in my book is always.  I’m slowly getting drunk and think we are hitting it off, we are discussing LGBT issues in the election and I want to get his number.  So we exchange number and then the group goes off to the gay bar.  We dance and drink and are having an all around good time.  That’s when Steve confides in us that he has a crush on this 21 year old.  I glance at the guy.  Young, very gay…and I’m like ugh.  I’m a little disappointed and I decide to take matters into my own hands.  While at the bar I text him asking if he could keep a secret.  He’s drunk and I get a text back from him saying yes.  So I tell him that I thought he was one of the cutest guys in the bar and that I thought he was way to good for the 21 year old video gamer.  (On a side note I’m positive I have blown my gay cover with these friends and it is only a matter of time before they ask me about these texts and Steve.)  Well I don’t hear anything and I’m kinda sad…but it’s the norm.  So we get ready to leave.  We go home and imagine my surprise when I get a text from Steve.  It’s like 2 in the morning now and I’m exhausted and know I have to be up in 5 hours to work a fundraiser.  This touches off a two hour text messaging session.  Obviously, I’m drunk but not in a crazy I can’t contain myself kinda way…I wasn’t that lushy that night J.  The texts are tinged with flirty overtones and stuff.  Over the past 3 days we’ve texted each other and I am excited.  Some of the texts are flirty some are just regular texts but the problem is I can’t gauge if he’s interested in me or not. 

 

I just don’t know what to do.  I’ve invited him to join me on a couple of things (we have a mutual friend I had to pick up a birthday gift for and asking him if he wanted to go) but has kindly declined.  I am trying to play coy but I hate playing games.  If you are interested then tell me if not tell me so I can keep looking.  I just don’t know.  The other thing is when we text each other they are usually long text messaging sessions.

 

I’ll keep you posted on the wooing of Steve.  Here’s a little description.  He is shorter than me probably about 5’6”, he has dark short hair and light blue eyes.  He has a wicked sense of humor and has some of the funniest stories.  He has no facial hair and his ears are pierced (the piercing goes through this lobes from the side…it’s weird but cool).  He always seems to have some funny story or some witty comment come back with, but when we were talking about gay right he sounded well read.  I want to get the chance to talk to him about more serious things.

 

So that’s about it right now.  We’ll see how it goes.

 

I also did four loads of laundry this weekend…and it was lovely 😉

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